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LGBT Parenting: We Fought for Our Family, and This is Our Story

More Than Just Mom and Dad: Our Journey Through LGBT Parenting Triumphs and Challenges
When my wife and I, Sarah, decided to start a family, it felt like a giant neon sign flashed above our heads as we navigated parenthood. We knew we wanted children, but the road to get there needed to be paved with rainbows. The road was bumpy, there were detours, and there was uncharted territory. Despite all the obstacles, the destination was worthwhile. Here’s our LGBT parenting story: the highs, the lows, and everything in between.
Building Our Nest: The ABCs of LGBT Family Building
Are you ready to start your family? Congratulations! But where do you start? The road to parenthood might look different for LGBT couples and individuals. Let’s explore the options.
A. The Stork Takes a Detour: Assisted Reproductive Technologies
We joked that we needed a stork with excellent GPS to find us. Assisted Reproductive Technologies became our go-to navigation system.
- IVF (In Vitro Fertilization): In vitro fertilization involves fertilizing an egg with sperm and transferring the embryo to the womb in a laboratory. There are hormone injections, egg retrievals, and the anxious two-week wait. Still, we are so happy to see a positive pregnancy test!
- Surrogacy: Sometimes a friend – or, in this case, a wonderful woman willing to carry your baby – is needed for help. Surrogacy can be conventional (using the surrogate’s egg) or gestational (using the intended parents’ eggs and sperm). Despite its exciting nature and trust-building aspects, surrogacy can also be legally complex, involving contracts and agreements, and emotionally challenging, as it requires a strong bond of trust between the surrogate and the intended parents.
- The challenges: Let’s be honest, ART isn’t an easy task. Aside from its high price tag (we’re talking tens of thousands of dollars), it can also be legally complex (particularly when it comes to parental rights) and ethically challenging (such as questions about donor anonymity). It unlocks parenthood for many LGBT couples, however.
B. Opening Our Hearts and Homes: Adoption and Foster Care
Foster care and adoption are beautiful ways to establish a family and provide a loving home for a needy child. However, navigating these systems can be like solving a Rubik’s Cube blindfolded.
- Adoption: You have to go through several hoops to adopt a child, whether it’s domestic or international – home studies, background checks, and sometimes even interviews. A closed adoption provides more privacy, while an open adoption allows for ongoing communication with the birth family. Each of these processes comes with its considerations.
- Become a foster parent: Fostering a child is a selfless act. It requires training, licensing, and a lot of love. You will need to deal with traumatized children, so prepare for emotional challenges and the possibility of their reunification with their biological families when caring for them. Becoming a foster parent involves attending training sessions, undergoing a home study, and obtaining a license from the state.
- Challenges: Certain agencies may have policies that make it difficult or even impossible for same-sex couples to adopt or foster children. LGBT couples continue to face discrimination in adoption and foster care. While providing a loving home for a child is difficult and time-consuming, the rewards are well worth it.

Beyond the Rainbow: Confronting LGBT Parenting Challenges
While society has come a long way in accepting LGBT families, we still face unique challenges that can sometimes feel like an uphill battle.
A. The Legal Maze: Navigating LGBT Family Law
Remember that Rubik’s Cube I mentioned earlier? Try solving it while someone changes the colours. That’s what navigating LGBT family law’s legal landscape can feel like.
- Marriage Equality and Parental Rights: Marriage equality has become law in the United States. However, that does not mean all states recognize LGBT parents’ parental rights equally. Adoption by a second parent can be a crucial step in securing legal protection for both parents. The process can be time-consuming and expensive. A custody battle can be incredibly challenging for non-biological parents who must fight for their rights.
- Discrimination in Adoption and Foster Care: Even though same-sex couples have the right to adopt and foster in all states, sadly, it still occurs. Some agencies may subtly (or not so subtly) discourage LGBT applicants, and some social workers may hold biased views. Advocating for change and seeking legal recourse are essential in these situations.
B. Whispers and Stares: Confronting Social Stigma
There’s the whispering on the playground, the disapproving glances in the grocery store, the awkward questions from well-meaning acquaintances who have no idea what LGBT parenting is. Discrimination and social stigma can be an issue for LGBT parents.
- Negative Stereotypes: We live in a society where outdated stereotypes about LGBT people being unfit parents persist. These harmful misconceptions can lead to bullying, social isolation, and even discrimination against our children.
- Challenges: Building resilience in our children is crucial. We teach them to be proud of their families and stand up to bullies. We also work to create inclusive communities where all families feel safe and accepted. It’s about fostering a sense of belonging, not just for our kids but for all kids.
Beyond the Challenges: Celebrating LGBT Parenting Triumphs
Despite the hurdles, LGBT parenting offers incredible joys and rewards. It is our laughter that fills our homes, our love that binds us together, and our pride in our children’s accomplishments that makes our journey extraordinary and inspires us to keep going.
A. Redefining Family: Creating Diverse and Inclusive Family Structures
Our families are not just moms and dads. We are two moms and two dads, single parents, and blended families. We are redefining the definition of family and showing the world that love matters.
- Breaking Traditional Molds: Our families may not fit the cookie-cutter image, but they are filled with just as much love, laughter, and support. We’re teaching our children that families come in all shapes and sizes.
- Teaching Diversity and Acceptance: Our children grow up understanding diversity and acceptance. They learn to embrace differences and challenge prejudice. They become advocates for equality and inclusion.
- Triumphs: We raise open-minded, empathetic, and compassionate children ready to improve the world.
B. Stronger Together: Finding Strength and Resilience in Adversity
As LGBT parents, we face many challenges that are not solitary. These are opportunities for us to unite as a community and support one another. We overcome obstacles with grace and determination, knowing that we have each other’s backs. Our communities lift our spirits and help us thrive when we create supportive environments.
- Overcoming Challenges: We learn to advocate for ourselves and our families. We find strength in vulnerability and connect with other LGBT parents who understand our struggles.
- Building Supportive Communities: We create safe spaces where our children can thrive and share our experiences with other families. We find allies in unexpected places and build understanding bridges.
- Triumphs: We become role models for our children and other LGBT families. We show the world that love conquers all.

Raising Kids with Pride: Addressing LGBT Parenting’s Unique Considerations
Parents of LGBT children face unique challenges. But open communication, unconditional love, and a sense of humour can help us navigate those challenges and raise happy, well-adjusted children.
A. “So, Where’s My Dad?” Explaining Family Structure to Children
It is essential to explain the structure of our family to our children so they may learn about love, diversity, and accepting others. It is natural for children to ask questions, so we must answer them truthfully.
- Age-appropriate Conversations: We tailor our explanations to our children’s age and understanding. For younger children, simple explanations about love and family are often enough. As they age, we can have more in-depth conversations about different family forms and how families are created.
- Addressing Questions about Biological Connections: We answer questions about donors, surrogates, or birth parents honestly and sensitively. We emphasize that family is about love and commitment, not just biology.
- Challenges: It can be challenging to navigate societal norms and expectations. We want our children to be proud of their families. Yet, it is also essential to prepare them for prejudice and misunderstandings. We teach our children to ask questions confidently and seek help when needed.
B. Building Resilience: Supporting Our Children’s Emotional Well-being
Children may face challenges that others don’t. They may be bullied or discriminated against or feel different from their peers. We must equip them with confidence and grace to address these challenges.
- Addressing Bullying and Discrimination: We teach our children to identify and respond to bullying. We encourage them to talk to us or a trusted adult if they experience discrimination. We empower them to be proud of themselves and stand up for themselves and others.
- Building Strong Support Networks: We create a strong family unit where children feel safe and loved. We connect with other LGBT families and build a support community. We encourage our children to participate in activities and groups where they can meet other kids from diverse families.
- Fostering Resilience: We teach our children that challenges are a part of life and they have the strength to overcome them. We help them develop coping mechanisms and problem-solving skills. We celebrate their successes and encourage them to embrace their individuality.
- Triumphs: We raise confident, resilient, and well-adjusted children who are proud of their families and ready to face the world with open hearts and minds.
The Road Ahead: Shaping LGBT Parenting’s Future
The LGBT community continues to advocate for equality, celebrate diversity, and create inclusive communities for all families.
A. Fighting the Good Fight: Continued Advocacy for Equality
The fight for equality is far from over. We must continue to push for legal protections and social acceptance for all LGBT families.
- Pushing for Legal Protections: We advocate for laws that protect LGBT parents’ parental rights, regardless of their marital status or biological connection to their children. We fight discrimination in adoption and foster care. We ensure that all families have equal access to family-building resources and support.
- Promoting Social Acceptance: We challenge negative stereotypes and misconceptions about LGBT families. We educate others about LGBT parenting joys and challenges. We share our stories and create visibility for our families.
B. Building Bridges: Celebrating Diversity and Building Inclusive Communities
The vision of our organization is to create inclusive communities where all children feel safe, supported, and loved, regardless of their family structure or sexual orientation.
- Promoting Understanding and Acceptance: We educate others about LGBT families’ diversity. We challenge prejudice and discrimination. We create opportunities for dialogue and understanding.
- Creating Safe and Supportive Environments: As part of our work supporting the well-being of LGBT families, we engage schools, community organizations, and healthcare providers to create an inclusive environment for LGBT families.
Recommended Reads: Books to Guide and Inspire Your LGBT Parenting Journey
Navigating the world of LGBT Parenting often means seeking out resources and stories that resonate with your experience. These books offer guidance, support, and a sense of community for LGBT parents and families:
- Parenting without Panic in an LGBT-Affirming World by Rachel Pepper: This book provides practical advice and compassionate guidance for LGBT parents on creating a loving and supportive environment for their children, addressing topics such as coming out, dealing with discrimination, and navigating family relationships.
- Rainbow Parenting by Gill Sainsbury: This comprehensive guide covers a wide range of topics relevant to LGBT Parenting, including family building options, legal considerations, and raising children with a positive sense of identity.
- Parenting with Pride by Nancy Mehagian: This book offers practical tips and strategies for LGBT parents on raising happy and healthy children, addressing common challenges and celebrating the unique joys of LGBT Parenting.
- The Other Mother: A Wickedly Honest Parenting Tale for Every Kind of Family by Carol Spradling: This humorous and relatable memoir shares the author’s experiences as a lesbian mother, offering insights and anecdotes about the ups and downs of LGBT Parenting.
- Parenting LGBT teens by Kelly Huegel Madrone: This book provides valuable guidance for parents on supporting their LGBT teens through the unique challenges and opportunities of adolescence, covering topics such as identity development, coming out, and mental health.
- Gay Like Me: A Father Writes to His Son by Richie Jackson: This heartfelt memoir shares a father’s reflections on his own experiences as a gay man and his hopes for his son’s future, offering a powerful message of love, acceptance, and resilience.
- It’s About You Too: Reducing the Overwhelm for Parents of LGBTQ+ Kids by Robyn Berkley: This book offers support and guidance for parents of LGBTQ+ children, addressing common concerns and providing strategies for navigating the challenges and celebrating the joys of raising a LGBTQ+ child.
Conclusion
While we have faced legal hurdles, social stigma, and unique parenting considerations as LGBT parents, we have also experienced unparalleled joy as we have built our family. In addition to raising our children in a loving, supportive environment, we taught them to be proud, resilient, and open-minded. Our community of LGBT parents is growing, and we are excited to be a part of it.
FAQs
Honestly, sometimes, yes. We face some extra hurdles, like complicated legal stuff or people with outdated ideas about how a family should look. But it’s also rewarding, and the love for our kids keeps us going.
With kids, it’s all about keeping it simple and age-appropriate. We talk about love making a family and how families come in many remarkable ways. As for other folks, sometimes a little humour goes a long way! But seriously, most people are just curious, and we’re happy to answer questions and help them understand.
Every kid feels different sometimes, right? But our kids might experience some extra challenges because of their family. We build them up with tons of love and support, teach them to be proud of who they are, and give them the tools to handle any negativity that comes their way.
That’s the million-dollar question! There are so many paths to parenthood – adoption, foster care, IVF, surrogacy… it can feel overwhelming. The best first step is to do your research, talk to other LGBT families, and figure out what feels right for you. Some great organizations offer support and guidance.
Your kids need to see that you love and accept their family. That’s the most important thing. So be yourself, ask about their kids, offer to babysit them if they need you, and be there if they need you.
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