Remember those first wobbly steps? That heart-stopping leap from the swing set? We’ve been letting go gradually since our children were born. But nothing quite prepared us for their 18th birthday. Suddenly, the law calls them adults. Our hearts? Not so much. Learning how to let go of your 18-year-old child is a journey paved with pride, anxiety, and love.
How to let go of your 18-year-old child is a process, not an event. This guide is here to help you navigate this exciting, sometimes frightening, upcoming chapter. We will look at the intricacies of emotional, legal, and psychological changes when you witness your child become an adult. We will give you some tips and guidance on supporting their independence while maintaining an adult-loving relationship with them. Do not forget that it is not about losing them altogether but moving to a different level in that relationship.
Rapid changes mark this stage in life. The brain is still developing, hormones are high, and the urge for self-sufficiency is almost automatic! A study in the Child Development Journal examined self-determination and parenting views, finding that young adults with significant autonomy were better off regarding self-esteem and relationships with their parents.
So, as challenging as it is to see them distance themselves, it’s a critical part of their growth. Dr. Laurence Steinberg, a leading expert on adolescent development, argues that “the most important task of adolescence is to become independent from one’s parents.”
However, it’s not just them. Parents also pass through drastic changes. Empty nest syndrome is quite common and can hit hard. The reality of living in an empty house manifests itself; the daily chores tend to get messed up, and there’s this feeling of everything: achievement, sadness, and sometimes even rage. Studies show that eighty-five percent of parents find it depressing or feel loss every time a child leaves home. This is not only understandable but also not abnormal.
Transitioning to adulthood can be challenging for young adults and parents, especially after the legal shift at eighteen. With an eighteen-plus signature, they can join the army, vote, and sign contracts without parental consent.
These topics are essential but often overlooked. For instance, explain how loans and leases involve contracts. Emphasize that knowledge is power, and being informed helps you make sound decisions.
Emotions run high during this transition. Parents may experience loss, grief, or even an identity crisis. If we’re no longer caregivers, who are we? It can be exhilarating yet stressful for young adults as they experience independence for the first time. They may struggle with self-doubt, abandonment, or pressure to achieve. Allow them space to articulate these feelings and assure them you’ll be there when needed as they explore the world.
Our brains are wired for connection. Parent-child bonds are among the most muscular attachments we experience. So, letting go naturally triggers stress and anxiety-related neurochemicals. However, studies also indicate that letting go can stimulate reward circuits in the brain, resulting in feelings of pride and satisfaction. It’s a complex mix of emotions, but understanding neurophysiology helps manage the transition with compassion.
Letting go doesn’t mean cutting them off; it means transforming your relationship. Here’s how:
Adulthood is not always smooth. Here are some everyday bumps:
Letting go doesn’t mean losing your connection. It means redefining it.
Letting go of your 18-year-old can feel like a grieving process. You’re mourning the loss of daily interactions, the constant need for guidance, and that sweet, dependent child. Allow yourself to feel those emotions. Talk to your partner, friend, or therapist. Journaling, meditation, and exercise can also help you process these feelings.
Remember that this is a transition for you, too. You’re entering an exciting phase in parenthood. Use this opportunity to rediscover yourself, pursue your passions, and nurture relationships with your spouse and other family members. This can be a time of personal growth and renewal.
Instead of viewing the empty nest as a loss, reframe it as an accomplishment. Your love, dedication, and parenting have helped raise a capable, independent young adult ready to face the world. It’s an achievement worth celebrating. You’ve done your part, and now it’s time to embrace the next chapter.
Letting go of your 18-year-old is an ongoing process. In this case, independence is given to them, yet it is coupled with respect, which is demanded of them. It’s about supporting someone in their work, worrying to some extent, and relying on them when the going gets tough. It’s about trusting someone with their adult role and the burden of all its good and evil. By necessity, finding that balance is automatic but difficult because you must learn how to live your life without that 18-year-old child.
Remember, letting go is not about losing your child. It’s about transitioning into a relationship with a confident, secure young adult who is also a trusted friend. Embrace this challenging phase and enjoy the journey together.
1. Letting Go: A Parents’ Guide to Understanding the College Years by Karen Levin Coburn and Madge Lawrence Treeger: This book offers practical advice and support for parents navigating the emotional and logistical challenges of their child’s transition to college and beyond.
2. Untangled: Guiding Teenage Girls Through the Seven Transitions into Adulthood by Lisa Damour: While focused on teenage girls, this book provides valuable insights into the developmental stages of adolescence and offers guidance on supporting young people as they navigate identity, relationships, and independence.
3. The Price of Privilege: How Parental Pressure and Material Advantage Are Creating a Generation of Disconnected and Unhappy Kids by Madeline Levine: This book explores the pressures faced by young adults in today’s competitive environment and offers advice on how parents can foster resilience, self-reliance, and genuine happiness in their children.
4. How to Raise an Adult: Break Free of the Overparenting Trap and Prepare Your Kid for Success by Julie Lythcott-Haims: This book challenges the trend of overparenting and offers practical strategies for raising independent, responsible, and capable young adults.
5. Empty Nest, Full Life: Discovering Your Own Identity When Your Kids Leave Home by Jill Savage: This book focuses on the parent’s perspective, offering guidance and support for rediscovering your own identity and passions as your children embark on their own adult lives.
Absolutely. It’s a huge transition for both of you. You’re not just letting go of a child; you’re letting go of a phase in your life. It’s natural to grieve the daily interactions and constant need for your guidance. Allow yourself to feel those emotions, and seek support from your partner, friends, or a therapist.
Relationships are essential. It’s also fascinating to see that we are always looking for new ways of communicating, including but not limited to establishing barriers or talking about interests. Regular conversations or video interactions may be set on the calendar. Look for common interests or hobbies. Be there to listen without judgment when they need a sounding board. Offer encouragement and celebrate their successes but resist the urge to solve all their problems.
This is tough. Remember, the goal is to empower them to become responsible adults. Offer guidance and advice when asked but avoid interfering with their personal lives. Trust them to make their own choices (and mistakes!). Expressing your concerns is okay, but ultimately, they need the space to learn and grow from their experiences.
Start early! Talk to them about budgeting, saving, and credit card responsibly. Please encourage them to get a part-time job or contribute to household expenses. Teach them about investing and managing debt. Many helpful online resources and books are also available to help young adults learn about personal finance.
Becoming an adult has complexities, and transitioning into that role can be daunting. It is pretty easy for a child or adolescent to develop anxiety, depression, or other mental issues during this phase. Please encourage them to be vocal and ensure a suitable environment that enables them to talk without worrying about being judged. If need be, don’t hesitate to seek professional assistance.
