Understanding Child Development and Negotiation

Before you envision your toddler donning a power suit and heading into a boardroom, let’s talk about developmentally appropriate expectations.

What Age Do Kids Start Negotiating?

Believe it or not, the seeds of negotiation are sown surprisingly early! Even toddlers, with their limited vocabulary and still-developing brains, instinctively attempt to negotiate. Think about those insistent points, the determined “no’s,” and the artful bartering of a beloved toy for another. These are their initial forays into the art of persuasion and compromise.

As children grow, their negotiation styles evolve in fascinating ways. Preschoolers might rely on emotional appeals (“But I want it!”) or simple bartering (“I’ll give you my cookie if you let me play with your truck”). Elementary school children begin to grasp the concept of fairness, turn-taking, and finding solutions that benefit both parties. With their burgeoning cognitive abilities, teenagers can engage in more complex negotiations, considering multiple perspectives, potential consequences, and long-term implications.

Decoding the Rules of Negotiation for Kids

Teaching negotiation skills to children is a different ball game than a business negotiation course. We must ditch the jargon, the power plays, and the complex strategies. Instead, we keep it simple, clear, and age appropriate.

• Simple Language and Clear Expectations: Imagine trying to learn a new game with a rulebook written in a foreign language. Confusing, right? Use language your child understands. Avoid jargon or complex terms that might leave them feeling lost. Clearly define what’s negotiable and what’s non-negotiable. For example, bedtime might be fixed, but a story or quiet playtime before bed could be up for discussion.
• Fairness and Turn-Taking: Emphasize the importance of fairness and taking turns. This helps children understand that negotiation isn’t about winning or losing but finding solutions that work for everyone involved. Explain that sometimes they might get their way and sometimes need to compromise.
• Respectful Communication and Active Listening: Teach children to express their needs and wants clearly and respectfully, using “I” statements like, “I feel sad when I don’t get a turn.” Equally important is teaching them to listen attentively to others and try to understand their perspectives. This builds empathy and paves the way for collaborative problem-solving.